Random Talk Show Thing
by JuuohSama
Summary: Shaun, you suck at summaries...But then again, so do I. Just read the damn thing...


Disclamer: I don't own Inuyasha. If I did the series would be a whole lot more perverted.

A/N: Yes, I am aware of how contrived of a concept this is. And I really don't care.

Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Sesshoumaru, and Naraku appear out of nowhere looking about confused.

"Where is this?" Inuyasha shouts aggravated.

Kagome looks around and notices the large couches and desk behind them as well as the huge amounts of chair in front of them. "Wait a minute," she says, "This looks like the set of a TV show."

The lights go on and the audience appears. A voice from behind them laughs evilly, "Good job, Kagome. My name is Lulu and I am the host of this little show. Come, come; All of you, take a seat."

No one moves. Lulu sighs and snaps her fingers. With a small poof the cast of Inuyasha are reclining on the couchs near her desk. She tilts her head and smiles at them, "Now, I'm sure none of you have been on a talk show before nor do I believe that any of you aside from one even know what a talk show is."

"You information is correct so far, so tell us what's going on, wench!" Naraku snaps.

Lulu glares at him, "I'd shut your mouth as you have no power here. In fact, none of you do. It's just a little precaution I took when designing this. None of you have any powers or weapons." Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru look around and notice that their weapons are missing. "Now, I suggest you all sit down and behave," says Lulu, "And everything will go swimmingly. And once the show is over you all will return to whence you came and it'll be peachy keen, questions?"

Miroku, "Will you-"

Lulu, "I know what you're going to say and no. Anyone else?"

A confused Sango asks, "What exactly is a talk show?"

A smirk crosses the sadistic talk show host's mouth, "A talk show is when a group of people are gathered together in the guise of an enjoyable experience under the pressence of their fans. The fans then will berate the group with intrusive and, on occasion, humiliating and embarrassing questions. Doesn't that sound like fun!"

There is dead silence for a second and then Kagome quietly sqeaks out, "We have fans?"

Lulu rolls her eyes and replies with, "Who do you think is filling up the stands?"

The guests look out towards the audience and notices the vast amounts of people. A suprised Sango says, "They are all our fans?"

"No, not many people like you."

The demon slayer appears to be saddened by Lulu's remark, but the host continues on, "The vast majority of our audience members are fans of Sesshoumaru." The group takes a closer look and notices that over half of the people in the stands are either wearing shirts or holding signs that say "I heart Sesshoumaru" or other very similar phrases.

The demon dog raises an eyebrow and asks, "Can I leave?"

Lulu shakes a finger at him, "Absolutely not. You smell rather nice and you need to be around to answer any questions people have for you. Speaking of which, let's get started," Lulu pulls out a stack of cards and begins reading, "Our first question comes from a very good friend of mine who goes by B-Sama and her question is directed towards both Naraku and Sesshoumaru. She asks, "Can the two of you just start making out?" Well, you got to give the people what they want."

Naraku and Sesshoumaru stare at Lulu and blink. Their replies come at almost the exact same time, "No."

The host sighs and shakes her head, "Later then. Next up is a series of questions from another friend of mine named Botan. Her first question goes to-"

Botan pops out from behind Lulu and her hair hits the host in the process. Lulu shouts in surprise. "I want to ask my questions! Pwease?" The blue haired girl asks Lulu.

The host looks suspiciously at her friend, "Shouldn't security be preventing you from getting back here?"

Botan hands her friend a bottle of Captain Morgan's and the Oblivion keyblade. Lulu smiles and puts her new things away, "Well, I guess it can't hurt to have you around. Sure, you can ask you questions yourself."

The blue haired girl smiles happily, "Hoolay! My first question goes to Miroku! Can I bear your child?"

The entire group simultaneously sweatdrops, except for Lulu who was busy pouring herself a drink. Miroku's reply was, of course, "Ok!"

"Sweet coin!" Shouts Botan, "Lulu, you can ask them the rest of my questions!" and with that Botan runs off of the set taking Miroku with her.

Everyone blinks and Lulu continues her drinking, "I guess we won't be hearing from them for a while! Her next question went to Sesshoumaru," a group of fangirls can be heard screaming 'We love you'. Lulu continues on, "She would like to know what that fluffy thing you carry around is."

"It is the tail of my mother," he replies nonchalantly as the other guests slowly back away from him.

"Right-O!" the Host says and she flips to the next question, "Her next question is directed towards Inuyasha. She would like to know if she can play with your sword."

Inuyasha growls, "You took my sword away with everyone else's weapons so that question is futile!"

A small amount of laughter escapes from Lulu, "I don't think she was talking about that sword..."

The half demon looks confused, "What else could she-" Kagome whispers something to Inuyasha, "No! That's just sick."

"Well, I have some very strange friends.Her final two qeustions are for Naraku and Sango. She wishes to ask Naraku, and I quote, 'Why are you so pretty? Are you meterosexual?'"

Naraku, "I have always been this "pretty" and as for being meterosexual; I have no idea what that means."

Lulu, shakes her head and says, "Well, you probably are. Lastly she wants to ask Sango, and this is also a direct quote, 'What the fuck is up with your eyeliner? Sango, your reply?"

The demon slayer shrugs, "I always color my eyes like this. It's the sign of a warrior."

The host rolls her eyes, "Well, a lot of us think it looks stupid. Those are all of Botan's questions. I'm going to find the rest of the questions, but while I'm doing so why don't you all have a drink." She passes the bottle of Captain Morgan's over to the guests. Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha engage in a contest to see who can drink more while the others politely sip at their drinks. After ten minutes of rummaging through her desk Lulu emerges with the remaining questions only to find Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha completely drunk. She smiles and decides to take advantage of the situation. So she leans over the desk and says, "So, Sesshoumaru. Are you and Naraku going to make out or what?"

Naraku glares and relpies, "Don't be ridiculous," but Sesshoumaru leans over to kiss him. They both end up on the floor, Sesshoumaru passed out and Naraku unable to get out from underneath the drunken demon dog. Everyone is watching this scene for a bit amused, but the host decides to continue on asking questions.

Lulu looks up bemused, "It appears that our remaining few questions are for the star himself, Inuyasha. The first ones come from my friend Pippeh, who didn't bribe me enough to get on the show to harass you herself. She would like to know if you get turned on when someone plays with your ears?"

Inuyasha lets out a small laugh, "No, of course not."

Kagome smirks, "Yes, you do! Watch this!" The school girl then scratches Inuyasha behind his ears and he stretches out a bit and makes a happy sound. This causes everyone to giggle quite a bit.

After a good amount a laughing Lulu continues on with the questions, "Pippeh would also like to know how big your sword is? And is it as big as Sesshoumaru's?"

Inuyasha looks up from having his ears scratched somewhat embarrassed. He shakes his head and clears his throat, "I'm not sure exactly how long my sword is. I've never measured it, but it's around four feet.

"Impressive."

Inuyasha blinks, "Oh, and it's about the same length as Sesshoumaru's sword."

Their sadistic host tilts her head and had a devious grin, "So you've seen your brother's sword?"

Inuyasha looks a bit puzzled at the question, "Well, yeah. I see his sword pretty much whenever we fight."

"And do you fight often?"  
Inuyasha shrugs, "Pretty much whenever we see each other."

Lulu smirks, "Are you the only one who's seen his sword?"

The half demon shakes his head, "Anyone who fights him sees his sword."

"Really?" the Host has a bit of intrigue in her voice, "Memo to self: Get in a "fight" with Sesshoumaru."

"Wait a minute," Inuyasha shouts, "Are we talking about the same-"

"On to the next and final question!" Lulu shouts with a dramatic air, "My friend, Tim, wants to know 'If you and Jesus got into a fight who would win?"

Inuyasha is tired of all of the questions and has pretty much given up, "I have no idea."

The host smirks, "We thought you'd say something like that..."

"We? Who's we?"

Lulu clear her throat, "So, we've arranged for the show to end with you fighting Jesus. Come on out, Jesus!"

Jesus arrives on stage and Inuyasha stands up to fight him. Inuyasha almost instantly realizes that his sword is missing and he can't fight without his sword. Jesus understands and proposes that instead of fighting they have a water drinking contest: First to pass out loses. Inuyasha agrees, but he doesn't know that Jesus secretly changed all of Inuyasha's water into wine. The end result is that Inuyasha blacked out from drinking too much and will end up with a seriously bitching hangover tomorrow making Jesus the victor.

Inuyasha: I can't believe you made me fight Jesus.

Lulu: It was worth it.

Miroku: I can't believe I missed it.

Inuyasha: You were gone for quite a while.

Miroku: Yes, well :awkward laughter: I was busy...

Sango: HENTAI::hits Miroku:  
Miroku::unconcious:

Lulu: Ummmm... Hey! Please review. That'd be really farking awesome. And send questions you want to ask the Inuyasha cast. And don't forget I lurve gifts and bribes!

Inuyasha: Who are you talking to?


End file.
